Doing Good

Since my presentation at a coaching conference last week I have been thinking a lot about doing good.  It seems to me that there is something in the air in the US right now about living fulfilling lives and being of service to others.  Maybe it is in the circles in which I circulate or maybe it is a larger trend.  I think the later.  

Where I am getting stuck is this - doing good where you feel good about what you are doing may not be having the positive impact that you desire.  Look at some of the missionaries of old.  Spend a minute recalling the history of Native American children who were taken from their homes and sent to boarding schools.  I suspect those folks felt good about what they were doing although the impact on others was often horrific.

There are more benign interventions.  Medical missions that spend a week dispensing care in developing countries.  Youth trips  that spend a week or more building homes or clinics in less developed countries.  What about those?  Research that I came across was unable to prove significant positive change for the beneficiaries from these visits.  Big money is going to send folks around the globe.  What is better because of it?

Dambisa Moyo, an economist from Zambia, wrote the impact of aid on Africa.  Her book title tells the whole story: Dead Aid.   Moyo doesn't find too much good to say about aid to Africa.  She goes so far to speculate that Africa would be far better off without it.   'Nough said. (go to http://www.zambian-economist.com/2009/03/dead-aid-by-dambisa-moyo-review.html)

 Instead of us going down and handing out pills  or building communities what people in developing countries need is funding for the projects that they do want to accomplish and advocacy for rights that they are not achieving on their own.  Grow local talent.  Grow local skills and know how.  Lets move aside to give space for others to grow. 

That, however, does not make us feel energized and upbeat as building a school in Mexico or digging ditches in Kenya.

So what about this gap? What makes us feel fulfilled might be exactly opposite as to what contributes to the well being of the recipients of our interests.  

I fear that helping others grows ourselves at the expense of the other.  We run the risk of making others small when we help.  Giving unsolicited advice contributes making the other diminish.  Solving someone's problems for them robs them of the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems and build the self confidence that goes hand in hand with that. 

We all need to give each other a hand.  That is true.  How can we be sure that what we are doing empowers the other rather than the opposite?  What steps must we take to ensure that we are not fulfilling our own dreams at the expense of others?  

Just because you feel good about what you are doing is not proof positive that it is also good for the other.

How will we know the difference?

Dispatches From Tom Peters and the New World of Work

Wrong Answer!

 Tom Peters wrote about getting the job done,  no matter what,  at his blog.

While his story is different than mine, I appreciate his point about getting the job done no matter what.

===========

I'm returning to Vietnam later this month—for the first time in 41 years. Hence my mind drifts occasionally to the 4-decade-old events that marked the beginning of my professional career.

One rather strange occurrence crossed my mind while driving home to VT from Boston last week.

I was out in the field, deep in the jungle, in fact, building a camp for a U.S. Army Special Forces team. I was choppered back to Danang in a rush for a brief meeting with the Commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps, General Leonard Chapman, who was paying a visit to I Corps, the northern part of South Vietnam, which was under USMC command—more specifically under the command of General Lew Walt.

What the hell was a LTJG (very junior officer) doing visiting with a 4-star general? Simple. My uncle, General H.W. Buse, was USMC Chief of Staff back in D.C., and my aunt had insisted that General Chapman see me in the flesh. (Aunts are like that, even, or especially, at the Mrs. 4-star general level.) (Also, her son, my cousin, was in Vietnam as well—a USMC captain.)

When I got back from the field, covered with mud (it was rainy season), I was sent directly to the Commandant with no time to change into a respectable uniform—a great embarrassment. General Chapman engaged in all of about 15 seconds of chitchat, and having done his duty to my aunt, sent me on my way. As I was literally walking out of his temporary field office, he summoned me back, and said, out of the blue, "Tom, are you taking care of your men?" (I had a little detachment, about 20 guys as I recall, doing the work described before.)

Yup, 40 years plus later, I remember his exact words—which is the point of this Post. I replied to the General, "I'm doing my best, sir." To this day, with a chill going up my spine (no kidding—as I type this), I can see his face darken, and his voice harden, "Mr Peters, General Walt and I and General Buse are not interested in whether or not you are 'doing your best.' We simply expect you to get the job done—and to take care of your sailors. Period. That will be all, Lieutenant."

The line echoes to this day—as you can tell. You are there to "get the job done"—not just-merely "do your best." I recall many years later seeing a Churchill quote that was much the same; more or less this: ""It is not enough to do your best or try as hard as you can—you must succeed in doing what is necessary."

I guess it was all this stuff that, about a year ago, caused me to more or less lose it during a Q&A session at a healthcare conference. We were talking about medical errors and patient safety. And people kept saying, "We're understaffed." "This is a 'caring profession'—and everybody cares despite the stress." "We're doing our best with the resources available." "The docs resist this, that, and the other." Etc. Etc. Yup, I lost it, and sang the General Chapman-Winston Churchill song: "It really doesn't matter how much everybody cares, or that you're doing your damnedest—you must get the job done and stop unnecessarily wounding and killing patients." The response gave new meaning to the term "stony silence."

And so the lesson sticks, on this, the 43rd anniversary, of my first "visit" to Vietnam. The lesson sticks, and the voice and demeanor of General Chapman are as clear and commanding and unequivocal as they were four decades ago.

I'll conclude with a simple "thank you" to the late General Chapman. I think I can say with some certainty that the story of my life would not have unfolded as it has, had the General not made his views on success and failure so succinct and so crystal clear.

11 Things to Do When Its You Who Is Burned Out

Signs of Burnout and 11 Things To Do When Its You (who is burned out)

Imagine this scenario:  Lately, since your department was downsized,  your teammate is at work and at her desk hours before you arrive in the morning. When you greet her she gives a nod without turning her eyes from the computer screen.    She looks exhausted, says she is getting the flu again, but says she can't slow down.  You are pretty sure that she did not eat breakfast and will skip lunch.  She acts like she is rushing but it doesn't seem like things are really getting done. She no longer goes out for drinks after work,  saying she has to stay at her computer to finish.  Your colleague  brushes aside offers to help,  but she is clearly overwhelmed.   She has become cynical about the work and everyone she works with.

What's going on?

These are some of the signs of someone in danger of burning out.  And as our organizations continue to tighten their belts, doing as much or more work with fewer people and with so much fear for the future, many of us may cross the line from being overworked into being burned out.

Signs of Burnout

Physical

·    Feeling tired and drained most of the time

·    Lowered immunity, feeling sick a lot

·    Frequent headaches, back pain, muscle aches

·    Change in appetite or sleep habits

Emotional signs

·    Sense of failure and self-doubt

·    Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated

·    Detachment, feeling alone in the world

·    Loss of motivation

·    Increasingly cynical and negative outlook

·    Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment

Behavioral signs

·    Withdrawing from responsibilities

·    Isolating yourself from others

·    Procrastinating, taking longer to get things done

·    Using food, drugs, or alcohol to cope

·    Taking out your frustrations on others

·    Skipping work or coming in late and leaving early

10 Things To Do When Its You (who is burned out)

The first step is acknowledging that you are on the brink or experiencing full blown burnout.  Pushing on through, isolating yourself to get more done or numbing yourself through self-medication are not winning strategies.  Take a deep breath, and a step backwards.  Take stock of how you feel in your body,  in your spirit, and take note of how you are behaving. 

1. AVOID ISOLATION

Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends

and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is

anathema to agitation and depression.

 

2. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

If your job, your relationships, a situation, or a person is dragging

you under, try to alter your circumstances or, if necessary, leave.

 

 3. STOP OVERNURTURING

If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities,

learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.

 

4. LEARN TO SAY "NO"

You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means

refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.

5. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH

Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with

friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for

yourself.

 

6. REASSESS YOUR VALUES

Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting,

the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time,

and begin to feel more centered.

 

7. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF

Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy

available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then

begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.

 

8. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need

for sleep, or break doctor appointments. Take care of yourself

nutritionally.

 

 9. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY

Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimum.  It changes nothing.

You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time

worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.  Check out the Primer on Feelings.

 

10. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

Begin to bring joy and happy moments into your life. Very few people

suffer burnout when they're having fun.

11.  GET HELP.  Get a coach, get into therapy or talk to your mentor.   Most of us thrive when we have a partner who works with us to make changes in our habits of thought and patterns of action.  

Times are Tough: Managing Your Relations With Others

Working well with others continues to be a touchpoint for many of us.  In conversations with clients and friends, I find that I am having many discussions about managing up and managing out.  Perhaps since times are tough, these relationships are becoming even more critical or, at the least, we are noticing them more.

The articles below, Managing Up: The 4 Stages of Creating A Working Relationship With Your Boss and A Checklist for Managing Up,  give us a clear road map for having productive and pleasant relations with our bosses and colleagues.  

Robert Jud, the author, has deep management experience.  You can find more about him at Gilliland&Jud or Robert A. Jud & Associates.

Managing Up: The 4 Stages of Creating a working Relationship with your Boss

It is important to establish at the outset that Managing Up is not a process for kissing up, sucking up, being a toady, or manipulating a boss through shameless self-promotion.

The second thing to understand is that all relationships are managed, even the most intimate ones. Both parties to any relationship have an active role to play in seeing to it that it works. Managing a relationship means making a deliberate effort to bring understanding and cooperation to a relationship between two individuals who share a common goal, but who also quite often have different personalities, preferences, ideas, perspectives, and behavioral styles.

The opposite of managing up, by the way, is deciding simply to sit back and wait: wait for instructions on how to do your job, wait for the next promotion, wait for others to recognize your brilliance and true worth, and so on. This passive approach to bosses makes it very difficult for them in turn to create an authentic relationship with you.

What makes managing up so difficult, of course, is that any relationship with an authority figure has within it a power imbalance, often a huge one. Mishandling this process has some penalties. Nevertheless, management experts universally agree that mastering the skills involved in this process is critical for anyone pursuing a meaningful role and a career in contemporary organizations. Such a relationship takes time to build up, and the best ones occur in a series of stages. Here's what they are:

Stage 1: Building Trust & Rapport

Team Leaders have a right to expect that their team members are aligned with the unit's goals and strategies, and that they will bring energetic contributions to that end. Here are the kinds of things followers can do to create that sort of feeling:

1.    Be clear on the boss's expectations of you and your team. A checklist for accomplishing this will appear later in this newsletter.

2.    Be sensitive to her priorities, and spend some time learning about and then understanding her perspective and agenda.

3.    Try to anticipate problems likely to arise in pursuit of that agenda, and provide early warnings if it looks like things are going off track; nobody likes surprises.

4.    Act like a partner by accepting responsibility for what you undertake.

5.    Look for any way you can to save his time and to value it.

6.    Value the time you get with your boss. Choose more frequent but brief meetings, rather than long marathons

7.    Try to solve and fix as many problems as you can on your own. If the problem is big enough to bring to the boss's attention, be sure to also carry with you some solutions or options. "If they're going to bring me a dead cat," said one regional director, "they also better bring along a shovel."

8.    As quickly as you can, pick up on their pressure points and hot buttons. And keep them in mind when you respond.

9.    Learn what her strengths are, figure out ways to leverage them.

10.    Learn what his weaknesses are; find ways to overcome, or compensate, or steer around them. Always try to make your boss look good.

11.    Request feedback often; listen to it carefully; accept it, whether you think it's accurate or not.

12.    As quickly as you can, learn the difference between your boss's management style and your own; then figure out as best you can a way to bridge them.

13.    Communicate with her on a consistent basis; most of those communications should be brief and to the point, and should consist mostly of updates, news items they don't already know, tip-offs of future events.

14.    Most of the steps listed above mean that you should learn by honing your observational skills. This is especially true of an ability to pick up quickly on moods and reactions.

15.    The longer you are with the organization, the more you will want to tie your requests, proposals, and project directions to the boss's and the Agency's overarching goals.

16.    Don't bad-mouth colleagues to the boss, and don't gossip.

17.    Be prudent about how much of your life away from work you reveal, or how much you probe for your boss's time away from work.

18.    Despite your best efforts, don't expect your boss (or anybody else, for that matter) to change all that much. The important thing to pick up on is how they will consistently respond in life situations, because that will allow you just as consistently to work through it or around it.

Stage 2: Figuring out When To Manage Upward

Research indicates that these are the most cited reasons why team members feel a disconnect or discomfort such that managing up seems to be called for:

1.    The Boss doesn't think you're as good as you think you are.

2.    You think your boss got the job you should have.

3.    There is a large gap in skills which leads to undervaluing/not respecting the other (either direction).

4.    Mismatches in ethics, values and integrity.

5.    Mismatches in management practices.

6.    Mismatches in style, philosophy, pace, or motivation.

7.    Poor communication---in both directions.

What are the kind of things a boss does when you find the need to manage up? Basically, when the boss becomes an unpredictable moving target. Just when you thought things were ticking along as they should, he or she goes and does something surprising that you didn't dream they would do. Some examples:

1.   She doesn't invite you to a meeting to which you should have been invited.

2.   He goes around you to communicate important issues to people who are ordinarily    your direct contacts.

3.  She constantly drops the ball regarding important issues that affect your work

4.  It appears he is attempting to do his job and your job at the same time.

Stage 3:  Pursue Your Own Needs In The Relationship

The first two steps in this process suggest that your boss is at present the single greatest determinant of your success, that paying attention to his or her style and preferences should receive your great attention, and that there is a range of behaviors that will make that happen. But since all relationships are two-way streets, managing up means that at some point you have to make sure your needs and wants are also being addressed. Here are some things you may wish to keep in mind in that regard;

1.    Your job here is to add perceived value to the organization. To do that, in at least some measure you have to be listened to.

2.    Learn over time exactly which job functions to take on, which to delegate, and which to negotiate.

3.    To manage your boss, learn to be a top-notch negotiator. Remember that when negotiating with people in a relationship, the object is not to win or come out on top, but to create outcomes that are fair to all parties. Pick up a slender copy of "Getting to Yes" by Ury and Fisher to refresh your memory of how that's done. You never get what you don't request. Know what you want and be clear in asking for it.

4.    Practice using direct, clear speech when discussing things with authority figures. If this does not come naturally to you, take a distance learning course on Plain Talk and Assertion.

5.    While it is important to level with your boss, it is a mistake to compete with him or her. You will always lose.

6.    If you are given an unrealistic work assignment from your boss, the first step is to present options on prioritizing your workload to you boss.

7.    Get involved in your profession and gain higher standing in your field. It will add immeasurably to legitimate feelings of self-confidence. You do this by networking, expanding your skill mix, staying informed, participating in professional groups, and the like.

8.    Be absolutely dependable in delivering on your commitments and promises. Here are some things in that regard to keep in mind:

· Keep promises to a minimum; never make rash or hasty promises.

· Make specific, not general promises

· Make close-ended promises by putting a time limit on them.

· Under-promise, over-deliver.

· Admit when things are beyond your control or your abilities.

· Learn to goodmouth; always look for the best in people and situations.

9.    Here are some final, general communication tips for talking to authority figures: start off by doing your homework; listen carefully and with full attention to what the other says; listen for gist, not to debate or refute; be persistent and patient; be clear and assertive; allow for face-saving---don't' back the boss into a corner, because your goal is clarity and equity, not embarrassment.

10.    Never, never, never complain to others about your boss.

Stage 4: What if Your Boss is the Problem?

Don't try to go over your boss's head or behind his/her back. That is not the way to manage up and can permanently ruin your relationship and your career. Always try to work something out. If the boss is a serious problem and you have no other options left, you can report this issue higher up the chain of command as a last resort under these conditions:

1.    Your project is on the line, and there is an urgent problem your boss continues to ignore.

2.    Your boss is doing something illegal.

3.    Your boss has a serious physical illness, mental illness, or substance abuse problem that you are aware of and others aren't.

4.    Your boss is doing something (e.g., sexual harassment or contracting irregularities) that could lead to lawsuits, criminal charges, or bad publicity.

What Do You Want From Me?  A Checklist for Managing Upwards

Most bosses do a poor job of explaining what they want from you when you first come to work for them, and they are frequently just as poor afterwards when they give you a work assignment. The key to this problem is to take the initiative by asking for an exploratory meeting where you can find out what you need to know. Here is a  checklist you can use for that purpose:

    * Try to get a sense of context. Ask for a full description of your job, with examples of typical assignments. Find out whom this work is for, and how it fits in to everything else going on around here. If this discussion will take a while, plan on more than one discussion.

    * Deadlines: How will they let you know when they would like to have it, and how that differs from when it's really due?

    * How can you find out when (s)he  would like you to do a thorough job which takes a little longer, or when (s)he would prefer the quick and dirty version?

    * How does the boss prefer to see the output of your work? What format would make that person's job easier?

    * How will you learn how much time you have to complete a job? Will your boss confer with you on this or will you be handed arbitrary deadlines?

    * How about priorities? Can you ask how the importance of any new assignment compares to that of the other things you have been asked to do?

    * What resources do you have to complete your work---specifically in terms of budgets, staffing, equipment, electronic tools, etc.?

    * What are the success criteria your boss will use to judge the quality of your work?  Is it more important for you to be fast, cheap, or perfect?

    * When you get a long-term or complex assignment, is the boss open to periodic  milestones or checkpoint meetings? What are his (her) preferences for the content and style of those meetings?

    * Whenever you have concerns at the outset of a project or assignment, how, when, and under what circumstances should you raise them?

    * Ask:"What are the kinds of behaviors and attitudes of subordinates that typically drive you crazy, and that I should therefore know about?

If You're Not Part of the Solution....

You remember the words that are attributed to JFK.  Be part of the solution, he extolled us.  I think that in everyone's heart of hearts (yes, I mean everyone) we truly want to be part of the solution.  We think we are part of the solution... or we don't think about it at all which is the easier personal route to take.

A month or so ago, while co-facilitating a 

department retreat,  I watched as one woman worked vigorously to put the brakes on the upswing in positive teamwork that the group was experiencing.  She was angry and disenfranchised.  By word and deed she spread that message around.  I do not resonate with that type of behavior, it is unseemly and backward, although I tell you here and now that I have been known to engage in it myself.    

She was being a negative leader - which is some kind of leader, I guess.  I watched as her colleagues, who obviously cared for her, tried to cajole her and solicit her opinion but she was resolute in standing for anger and obstructionism.  

Sitting here some time later, I think that she was trying to tell us all that it was not working for her - that something needed to be done to make things better.   That was the best she could do at the moment - a shout out that things weren't going so well, at least not from her perspective.

This last weekend, by contrast,  I was with 40 or so people that were practicing mindfulness.  As hard as that sounds, and for me it is very hard,  being present to every moment is consciously choosing what impact you are going to have.  Taking responsibility for every moment and how you are being in it.

Thich Nhat Hanh,  the Zen Buddhist Monk and teacher of mindfulness,  says that the only thing we truly own are our actions.   

This is not easy.  I was in a board meeting as a board member and found my anger growing as various board members and the CEO blamed each other for not being up to snuff.  I even found myself tossing my borrowed pen back to its owner in an act of frustration.  Oh, I was not proud of myself.    

And if it counts, I caught myself, took a few long breaths,  step aside from the feelings of frustration and anger and took a smile.  Got back in the game of making things better not worse.

I keep thinking, don't we want to be part of the solution?

Be The Leader You Want to See in The World

Last week I stood in front of 25 individuals and asked them to chose to be the leader that they wanted to see in the world.  Not ask that someone else step up to the plate and be that person but that they do it themselves.  Maybe some people got it.  Probably some people thought I was off my rocker since most of them were not in traditional leadership positions.  But I am hoping that two or three or even a landslide of 5 people understood.  The time has come to take responsibility, be accountable to what you want to see in the world and then be audacious and create it. And all that starts at home with you and with me.

I don't think that this is a radical idea but it is one that is not widely shared.  The fact that I am speaking to it at all points to my own personal transformation.  It was not so very long ago that I was of the mind that the leadership needed to change for anything to go well.  I did take enough responsibility for my own situational leadership behavior.

The 25 people that I was hoping to reach had a long and rocky road with each other and with their own leadership.  Disappointments,  poor communication habits and a lack of care with regards to relationships held in the container of a long difficult organizational restructuring effort had created an atmosphere of anger, distrust and contempt.  Having stood in those very shoes some years ago, I know what damage it causes to one's coworkers, the organization and to ones self.   I also know that when we take responsibility, hold our very selves accountable, then we move from victims to, as Peter Block might say, possibility.

What is the leader you want to see in the world?  Write it you.  Show us how its done.  Let the change begin with you.

Five Things You Need To Succeed

Last night I was coaching an executive who leads a very large humanitarian program in Asia. She was considering the issue that the size of her program made it impossible for her to monitor all the details of the business. She reported that, for the first time in her career, she was removed from being able to have first hand information and had to depend on her executive team to bring her the information that she needed to have.

I asked her what where the five things that she would need to have in place to be a leader that operates at a high level of functioning. This is her list:

1. Have great senior staff that understand what she needs to know and what she doesn't need to know.
2. If you don't have the right staff, get them. Don't wait, hoping your current staff will eventually get it and work out.
3. Hold your senior staff accountable to meeting your expectations and agreed upon deadlines and action steps.
4. Have a small number of indicators in place to measure success. These should be just a handful that everyone can remember and keep track of. Measurements for NGOs might be things like cost per beneficiary.
5.Have a system in place that you get the information you need in a format that is useful to your own particular management style.

That is her list. What would you add?