Taking the Plunge: Having Difficult Conversations for the good of the whole

A conversation sticks in my mind that I had with a friend and former colleague a few months ago. The subject of our discussion was a mutual friend who is a hellion for work for.   She can be condescending,  rude and disrespectful to anyone under her.   No one wants to work for her and no one has told her that.  Her constant stream of bosses manuveur things so no one reports to her even when it would make organization sense to be otherwise.    We both agreed that someone should tell her and that we weren't brave enough to be the ones to do so.

What is the cost to the organization for this lack of courage on the part of her supervisors (and of her friends)?  Convoluted management structures, low morale,  dampened creativity and just three that spring to my mind.

The comments from Kat Knecht from the November 12 posting reminded me of this situation which is not at all uncommon.  Kat wrote that President-Elect Obama's success is due in part to his inisting that his team be respectful and supportive.  Knowing human beings as I do, I am imagine that Obama had to call his people on behavior that did not measure up to his standards on more than one occassion, especially considering that stress brings out the worst in us and his people were under tremendous stress.

My friend and I demurred on having a difficult conversation with someone and let a untenable situation stand.   Obama must have taken the high road and had many of those conversations.    The authors of Crucial Conversations make what they call an audacious claim that having the challenging and scary conversations will only lead to good.

Kick start your career:  Their research shows that individuals who know how to get things done as well as build relationships are those that master crucial conversations.  Those that know how to stand up to the boss without, as they write, commit career suicide.

Improve your organization:  Again their studies show that peak performing companies were not successful because of management structures, procedures and policies and had everything to do with people' ability to have difficult conversations.  When colleagues did not perform according to standards,  their peers knew how to step in and hold them accountable.

Improve your relationships: It is the inability to have productive crucial conversations that create the breakdown in relationships and the inability to solve pressing problems.  And, without good relationship nothing worthwhile at work or at home will get accomplished.

What are the conversations you are avoiding?

• Talking to a coworker about offensive behavior
• Giving the boss feedback about how his behavior  affects performance of others
• Holding a peer accountable
• Talking to a  colleague who is hoarding information
• Giving an unfavorable performance review
• Setting behavioral standards amongst your direct reports and telling someone when he does not meet them
• Letting a colleague know when you feel they have been rude to you 

Be kind, be direct, be firm and  make sure you listen to the other's response.   But make a commitment to step up to the plate and have the conversations that can make all things possible.